I'm excited, but a bit nervous. Not so much about the interview, my contacts in the company have told me that, basically, getting to the interview means I'm hired. And knowing my friends, I doubt I could screw this up poorly enough to really not get the job. I'm more nervous about the job itself.
I just quit my previous job. I worked for the same company for four years, worked my way into management. I was proud of myself. I still am. But, something disappeared. Something went wrong and I got to the point I was terrified to go to work. For all intents and purposes, I was amazing at my job. I've had multiple people tell me that, without provocation. I just couldn't get the same joy out of work. I felt like, instead of working because I wanted to, I was working because I had to.
I was working because if I didn't, who would? If I failed, who would pick up the pieces? And the stress started getting to me...I ended up in the lowest place I've been in at least five, maybe six years. It was awful, and I felt like nothing would ever be right again. I still don't know how long I have to go to get back together, but I know I made the right choice: leaving. I'm disappointed in myself, and I know my co-workers are too, but I needed this. I needed, while I could, to restart my life and try a new path.
So, I have an interview tomorrow, for a completely new type of work. I'll be working from home, which is a plus! But the work itself...I'm sure I can handle it, but, being the type of person I am, I can't help worrying. What if I don't take to it like I did my old job? What if the stress is still too much to handle?
Whatever happens, this is what I've chosen and there's no going back. I'm officially gone from my previous job. This is the best way forward, so I'm going to face it head on.
And that scares me. But...I can't imagine anything being worse than where I came from. That's what I've thought with every job I've quit, and every job I've started. I'm moving forward in this weird grown up world I've ended up in. And I don't have to do it alone, I have awesome friends, an amazing best friend, and an incredible wife to support me. I even have a family now, one I'm proud of, one I'm not afraid of. And I know, in spite of all my faults and all our differences, they'll support me, even at my worst, and certainly at my best.
So here's hoping. Here's hoping this is the right choice. And if it wasn't, if I come crashing down again, at least I know there are people to fall back on, to keep me safe until I can pull myself together again.
That makes it all seem possible, and I can't thank you all enough for being there for me.
I'm sorry I'm a pain, but, I'll do whatever it takes to deserve your support, your kindness, and your love. That's one thing I still believe, one thing that keeps me going when I feel like I can't anymore.
Thanks again, I love you.
Listening to: Counting Crows
Watching: The Devil is a Part-Timer
Playing: Pokemon Omega Ruby